All these changes that are about to happen are swirling around in my head and I can’t find sleep. Me, who usually is asleep before my head hits the pillow. The anxiety is creeping in, followed by the worry.

I made the decision to make this move and it’s all coming so quickly. In less than a month, I am supposed to return with my belongings and dog in tow. I still haven’t found housing, which on one hand I know will surface but the other hand is freaking out. I have four more days. Short term rental and a dog make it a little tough.

And Mina is going to live with her dad and step-mother for the fall. Am I making a huge mistake? She is so far from happy about this. I am so afraid that this incredible bond we have will suffer. I will see her on the weekends but for the first time in her life, I will not be there for her on the first day of school. And entering a new school, she has her own anxieties surfacing.

Tonight I went to my in-laws for dinner. Just being there in the house where I gave birth to Mina, and lived for so many years, brought a lot to the surface. I almost couldn’t get out of there fast enough. Coming back here means that I will be around them all again.

Am I insane to try to make this happen? To leave a secure job and steady paycheck for the unknown? I wish I had that magic ball to see what path I am leading myself down. To see how all these changes will affect the two of us in the long run.

Tomorrow is another day and I’m sure that these anxieties will be lessened. I am just wishing for it all to flow a little easier right now. To really know deep in my heart that what I am doing is right. So I’ll attempt to seek sleep again… and breathe.

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