Monsoons have been rolling in and out for the past few days. Rumbles that shake my house and flashes of lightening, but mostly rain. I love the electricity that flows through the air as storms approach. I woke to rain yesterday morning and it continued well into the afternoon. Monsoon season is my favorite – have I mentioned that? Reminds me of growing up on the east coast and the summer storms. The rain would be warm like bathwater and we’d tear through the streets, standing under the gutters to be drenched – the only escape from the heat. I miss those days…

The approaching storms are a perfect setting for my life right now. The loud crashes of thunder and blinding flashes of lightening, always making the storm out to be more than it is when it actually arrives. I think I’m a little caught up in the anticipation of getting it all done and out. I’m not worried about it all once I actually get there.

I threw my back out on Thursday night – I have no idea how and have literally been on the floor since, with the exception of going to the chiropractor and getting massage. Pain pills (which I do NOT like and rarely take) are not even touching it. I’ve had Reiki, am taking all kinds of supplements, heat, ice… I’m at a loss. I know it’s the stress and anxiety of it all but damn! I have tried my best to just let it all be and relax but the longer I’m down, the more I’m freaking out about getting it all done. I’m supposed to be loading a truck a week from today. I have no choice but to surrender to it all and ask for help, something I am HORRIBLE at.

So… all of this is making me question if what I am doing is the right thing. Everything fell into place while I was there, why the roadblock on this side? I think I had a gut feeling about it all which is why I was trying to figure out how to get all of my stuff packed up and sent out there, without actually coming back. I’m trying to see the lesson or the truth or the (fill in the blank) but it’s not coming. One thing this has done is give me amazing compassion for those who live with daily pain. My mother always says that nothing you do or experience is ever lost so maybe I’ll need to draw on this one of these days.

So needless to say, I’m a little on the low side today. Ok, that’s an understatement. It all just seems senseless right now and I feel like I’ve really reached the end of my rope. Maybe I’ll try KC’s mode and actually hang upside down. It might bring some relief AND change my perspective.

xo,

r

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